Hi Adam,
How are you? How are your kids? I hope everyone is good, including your wife Jackie and of course the children. I've seen pictures of the twins and they look just like you when you were their age. (that's a good thing :-). I don't monitor their or your lives very much since it's incredibly painful but sometimes, like now, I get the courage to reach out, knowing that most likely I'll be rejected again.
I'm living in North Carolina, in a town called Southport. It's kinda touristy since there are so many beaches nearby. My wife Melissa and I moved here about 2 years ago. I bought the place 3 years ago as a fixer-upper but just haven't wanted to sell it yet. It's on a small quiet lake about 10 miles from the coast. We really like getting up and looking at the view in the mornings. Sometimes we take the boat or kayaks out on the lake fishing or just cruising. My step-son Ryan lives 30 min from here in Wilmington. He's going to the college near where he lives - UNCW. It's a beachy kinda college. :-)
I just wanted to let you know that I miss you. There's a really big hole in my life that used to be filled with you guys. I know everyone there hates me but maybe if we just talked you might find out that there's two sides to every story and SOMETIMES people will exaggerate when trying to win supporters. We never talked about anything after that day Canada's Wonderland. It's like you guys just disappeared behind your mother.
That time at the ceremony, I think it was Nikki's grad, I may have said some things there that I shouldn't have. Maybe I said some things at other times as well that I shouldn't have. That was shit talk and it was not warranted. You didn't deserve it at all. I was an ass and I apologize for those words. You are older now and maybe you can understand that when people are in a failing marriage, they sometimes begin to fall apart. I've never paid so dearly for words in my life.
I don't know if you recall the time I hurt myself and was hospitalized. I never saw you guys at the hospital, you didn't come to see your father who almost died. No worries though, I knew it wasn't' you guys, you were too young. Someone else was in control and winning at a game I was unqualified for. I had lost you all at that point and I knew it. I saw later that you had been told that your father was "unstable" and "in a dark place". No shit, I was losing my kids, who I loved so dearly, and I knew it and it depressed me to no end. I just couldn't stand the thought of living my life without you. I repeated that a couple of more times, but unsuccessfully (obviously). I'm still here but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and your sisters. No sir, not a day.
If you ever just feel like talking. If you have any questions like, "dad, why the hell did you do this...", or whatever. I'm still your dad and have always been here for you even if you didn't know it.
Love always,
Dad
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Chapter 2: Why I left Ottawa
Chapter 2
Why I left
I'm assuming that one of the reasons you are all mad at me is because I left you, or you were told I left you. It's true that I did leave the area but I never left you. Quite the opposite in fact and it wasn't until I had lost all hope.
First, a little background. Your mother and I met in Ottawa in the fall of 1984. We were introduced through a mutual friend of ours, Barb Pulfer. We were both about 23-24 at the time. I was working as a technician at the Ottawa airport and your mom was making these little clown figurines to suppliment her income. I think she was on unemployment at the time. Mrs. Pulfer knew I was single and she thought we would make a nice match so she sort of helped set things up on the pretense of me being interested in buying one of her clowns. Your mom came over one evening to show me the clowns and stayed until very late talking. Mrs. Pulfer, who lived across the road from me, called very concerned at around 1:00 am aksing if Cindy was having any car trouble. LOL. I'm not sure if she was worried about Cindy, or me, or what terrible deeds we might be up to being young and virile as we both were. Your mom left and we decided to see each other and so we did.
We dated for a few weeks and then decided it would be a good idea to get married. So, after dating for 7 weeks (that's right, 7 weeks) we got hitched. For my part I was looking for a family, a wife to keep me company and children to raise and love. Nikki, you were 3 at the time and I just loved you with all my heart. I still do. I was an instant dad and loved it. Nikki was the cutest, blonde curly haired little monkey you have ever met and it wasn't long before she was calling me daddy. Looking back I'm not 100% sure what your mom's motivation was but it soon became clear that we didn't have the same desires or goals in life. That became apparent even on the honeymoon but I won't go into those details. I guess being a single mom, out of work with a three year old and a house to maintain I looked (at the time) like an answer to prayer. I was a strong Christian then and prayed about that decision quite a bit and in the end, we both took the plunge and got married.
Our first mistake (other than getting married after 7 weeks) was, instead of getting to know each other and just learning to be married, we decided it would be a good idea to renovate your mom's house (later to become your grandma Ruth's house). That was a bad idea because with living in the house on Acorn, in the living room, with Ruth and Keith, without any privacy, we didn't really have a chance to bond very well. We were both young and didn't know any better and I made a lot of mistakes. We all do so I'm not going to beat myself up over it but I do acknowledge that I made a LOT of mistakes. If I could take them back I would. If I could change the outcome of things that would come to pass, i would. In a heartbeat.
Adam came along a little while later then Jami joined us. I was so happy when you did. By then I think we had moved out of the cottage and into your grandma Ruth's house on Acorn. Keith had passed away by then and Ruth really liked the cottage because Keith had put a lot of himself into that house so she felt close to him there. For us the Acorn house was bigger and our family was growing so the trade was good for all of us. We lived there for about 10 years raising you youngsters. It was a good house and I have a lot of fond memories of you growing up there. I'm sure (at least I hope) you do too.
The problems between your mom and I started early on. We didn't see eye-to-eye on many things and I was kind of a jerk at times. That's not so say that your mom didn't contribute to the unrest that went on but I'm not going to put her down for it. I suffered from undiagnosed depression at the time. I was moody and sullen and unhappy, which I assume I got from my mother but who knows where these things come from. That was hard for your mom to deal with but she did for a long time. One day your mom got tired of my crap (her words exactly) and told me she wanted a divorce. We had been married for about 13 years by then. I was devastated. My depression worsened. I slept a lot and moped around a lot but I knew we would never make it as a couple because we just didn't try hard enough. Marriage is a lot of WORK! And by work I don't mean it's a pain in the ass that you just have to put up with. You actually have to make an effort constantly to keep your marriage alive. Unfortunately we didn't do that so in the end it died. It didn't help that you mom had already started dating Pete while we were still married. She met him at the restaurant where she was a waitress. He was a farm hand, which you probably know, and I guess he just swept her off her feet with his Wiley ways. I wasn't aware of this of course until much later. Stupid me. Duh!
We both found lawyers and started the process of getting a divorce. I looked for a "Christian" lawyer who would represent me in a Godly manner and be in sync with my Christian values. On virtually my first visit to the lawyer he asked me to sign some documents. I asked what they were and he said they were custody papers so your mom could take care of you guys while we worked things out. I was still very sick with depression and could barely function at that time and couldn't take care of you. I asked him what that meant and if it could be changed. Of course he said it was temporary and could be changed any time. What he didn't tell me was that the chances of making a change to custody are extremely unlikely, especially in Canada in that time period, and would be hugely expensive and would require cooperation from the mother (like that EVER happens). Little details like that are what make lawyers rich and I was livid when I found out he had screwed me out of custody of my children. Devastated evern further than I was at the time. Nothing was going my way and I was losing everything.
The divorce didn't go well at all. From the beginning your mom started alienating you guys from me. I guess she thought I was a terrible father. I'm not sure why becuase I loved you guys and wanted to be with you and take care of you. I know she hated the fact that I drank alcohol. I remember you guys came over to the little cottage I was staying at temporarily after moving out of Acorn. We spent the evning together, had fun, watched some TV and just hung out. I had a beer (and I do mean A beer), not thinking anything of it at the time. Shortly after you guys went home your mom called me and said that Adam was crying because I was drinking. What? Seriously? You have got to be kidding, right? No, she was soooooo pissed that I had a beer in front of you guys. She had pumped you guys for information then set you up to feel bad because I had a beer. OMG. This kind of thing happened more often than not when I took you home. Shortly after you would get home I would ge a phone call demanding to know why I did this or why I said that. I am sure you can recall being questioned if you think back and I'm sure she called me with you in earshot as well so as to maximize the impact. I'm not perfect and I know I make mistakes but I never did anything to hurt you guys and I loved you with all my heart. Still do. But that's how parental alienation works, you get the kids on your side by making the other parent out to be bad. You find little things, blow them out of proportion and play the victim. It works great for the custodial parent since the other parent isn't there to defend themselves. And it worked on you guys becuse over the course of a few years you grew further and further away from me. It got to the point where you didn't even want to come over any more. I became more the unwanted uncle you had to visit rather than a parent trying to help raise three kids.
This went on for a few more years where I would try to get in contact with you but every move was blocked. One weekend I took you guys fishing with me on the Ottawa river. During the day, and unsolicited, Adam, you said to me "Dad, I want to come live with you". I was surprised but pleased so I asked you, Jami, what you wanted to do. You said you wanted to live with both of us. Ok, great. Things are getting better, right? Not quite, I underestimated the tencity of the gatekeeper. I told you, Adam, that I wanted you to live with me too but not in the apartment that I was living in so I asked you to wait a little while so I could buy a house for us to live in. You were ok with that. I talked to Cindy about buying the Acorn house and we settled on a price and time. After I had moved out of my apartment and into the house on Acorn (which I really didn't want to do but would do it for you guys since it had been your home) I told your mom what your wishes were. She talked to you guys and came back and said that you never said you wanted to live with me, that I must have dreamed it. Again, I was devastated. Broken to the core...for no reason. At least I wasn't aware of one.
There was no point in keeping the Acorn house since I only bought it for you so my insane wife at the time, Gladys (OMG she was so nuts) and I moved to Nepean. By this time I could barely get you guys to come over and Adam, you kept running away, back to your mother's house. One day I called to talk to you guys and your mother said you had all moved out. This was shortly after she married Pete. Nikki and Jami were supposedly living at your aunt's place and Adam was living at a friend's place. I couldn't get a phone number and you never called, ever. You never responded to my letters or my calls through your mother and she even sent back letters I sent to you, unopened. Once I managed to convince your mom to give me Jami's cell number. I called you one time, Jami, and you hung up on me. I was devastated. Hurt beyond belief at what was happening.
Slowly, the hurt got so bad and the resistance to see me and the interference by others got so bad that I just gave up. I was fighting a losing battle and nobody wanted me around. I had been voted off the island unanimously. This went on for 2-3 more years and I finally decided to move away after Gladys and I broke up. Living in Ottawa was a constant reminder of the pain of losing you guys.
That's why I left Ottawa, not becuase I abandoned you guys, not because I didn't want you in my life, but because you turned away and I had to try to rebuild my life somewhere else that didn't hurt so much. During the last few years in Ottawa the pain got so great that I attempted suicide on more than one occassion. I just wanted the pain to go away and for the nightmare to be over. Instead I got labeled as being "in a dark place" and being "unstable". Unstable is right. I hope you never have to go through what I went through or you just might find yourself "unstable" too.
So, that' why I left the area. It's probably not what you were told but I'm not surprised. Everything I did was magically spun against me. I have to admit that your mom is great at control. I'll give her that.
I swear on oath that I am not making any of this up. The timing of events might be a bit off since it was a long time ago but everything I said happened, happened.
PS: There's a simple test regarding parental alienation that kids can do in their heads. Think back to things that you were told by others and ask yourself if that was something that a child needed to know. Not you specifically but any child. Really, why does a child need to hear their other parent being balled out? Why would they need to be told that the other parent did this or that or whatever? Children are supposed to be insulated from this kind of thing so that they DON'T feel they have to choose a parent. Unfortunately this is often not the case. My sister is going through it and my wife is going through it now. It's so sad and the children always suffer the most because of it.
I love you. Please call.
Love, Dad
Why I left
I'm assuming that one of the reasons you are all mad at me is because I left you, or you were told I left you. It's true that I did leave the area but I never left you. Quite the opposite in fact and it wasn't until I had lost all hope.
First, a little background. Your mother and I met in Ottawa in the fall of 1984. We were introduced through a mutual friend of ours, Barb Pulfer. We were both about 23-24 at the time. I was working as a technician at the Ottawa airport and your mom was making these little clown figurines to suppliment her income. I think she was on unemployment at the time. Mrs. Pulfer knew I was single and she thought we would make a nice match so she sort of helped set things up on the pretense of me being interested in buying one of her clowns. Your mom came over one evening to show me the clowns and stayed until very late talking. Mrs. Pulfer, who lived across the road from me, called very concerned at around 1:00 am aksing if Cindy was having any car trouble. LOL. I'm not sure if she was worried about Cindy, or me, or what terrible deeds we might be up to being young and virile as we both were. Your mom left and we decided to see each other and so we did.
We dated for a few weeks and then decided it would be a good idea to get married. So, after dating for 7 weeks (that's right, 7 weeks) we got hitched. For my part I was looking for a family, a wife to keep me company and children to raise and love. Nikki, you were 3 at the time and I just loved you with all my heart. I still do. I was an instant dad and loved it. Nikki was the cutest, blonde curly haired little monkey you have ever met and it wasn't long before she was calling me daddy. Looking back I'm not 100% sure what your mom's motivation was but it soon became clear that we didn't have the same desires or goals in life. That became apparent even on the honeymoon but I won't go into those details. I guess being a single mom, out of work with a three year old and a house to maintain I looked (at the time) like an answer to prayer. I was a strong Christian then and prayed about that decision quite a bit and in the end, we both took the plunge and got married.
Our first mistake (other than getting married after 7 weeks) was, instead of getting to know each other and just learning to be married, we decided it would be a good idea to renovate your mom's house (later to become your grandma Ruth's house). That was a bad idea because with living in the house on Acorn, in the living room, with Ruth and Keith, without any privacy, we didn't really have a chance to bond very well. We were both young and didn't know any better and I made a lot of mistakes. We all do so I'm not going to beat myself up over it but I do acknowledge that I made a LOT of mistakes. If I could take them back I would. If I could change the outcome of things that would come to pass, i would. In a heartbeat.
Adam came along a little while later then Jami joined us. I was so happy when you did. By then I think we had moved out of the cottage and into your grandma Ruth's house on Acorn. Keith had passed away by then and Ruth really liked the cottage because Keith had put a lot of himself into that house so she felt close to him there. For us the Acorn house was bigger and our family was growing so the trade was good for all of us. We lived there for about 10 years raising you youngsters. It was a good house and I have a lot of fond memories of you growing up there. I'm sure (at least I hope) you do too.
The problems between your mom and I started early on. We didn't see eye-to-eye on many things and I was kind of a jerk at times. That's not so say that your mom didn't contribute to the unrest that went on but I'm not going to put her down for it. I suffered from undiagnosed depression at the time. I was moody and sullen and unhappy, which I assume I got from my mother but who knows where these things come from. That was hard for your mom to deal with but she did for a long time. One day your mom got tired of my crap (her words exactly) and told me she wanted a divorce. We had been married for about 13 years by then. I was devastated. My depression worsened. I slept a lot and moped around a lot but I knew we would never make it as a couple because we just didn't try hard enough. Marriage is a lot of WORK! And by work I don't mean it's a pain in the ass that you just have to put up with. You actually have to make an effort constantly to keep your marriage alive. Unfortunately we didn't do that so in the end it died. It didn't help that you mom had already started dating Pete while we were still married. She met him at the restaurant where she was a waitress. He was a farm hand, which you probably know, and I guess he just swept her off her feet with his Wiley ways. I wasn't aware of this of course until much later. Stupid me. Duh!
We both found lawyers and started the process of getting a divorce. I looked for a "Christian" lawyer who would represent me in a Godly manner and be in sync with my Christian values. On virtually my first visit to the lawyer he asked me to sign some documents. I asked what they were and he said they were custody papers so your mom could take care of you guys while we worked things out. I was still very sick with depression and could barely function at that time and couldn't take care of you. I asked him what that meant and if it could be changed. Of course he said it was temporary and could be changed any time. What he didn't tell me was that the chances of making a change to custody are extremely unlikely, especially in Canada in that time period, and would be hugely expensive and would require cooperation from the mother (like that EVER happens). Little details like that are what make lawyers rich and I was livid when I found out he had screwed me out of custody of my children. Devastated evern further than I was at the time. Nothing was going my way and I was losing everything.
The divorce didn't go well at all. From the beginning your mom started alienating you guys from me. I guess she thought I was a terrible father. I'm not sure why becuase I loved you guys and wanted to be with you and take care of you. I know she hated the fact that I drank alcohol. I remember you guys came over to the little cottage I was staying at temporarily after moving out of Acorn. We spent the evning together, had fun, watched some TV and just hung out. I had a beer (and I do mean A beer), not thinking anything of it at the time. Shortly after you guys went home your mom called me and said that Adam was crying because I was drinking. What? Seriously? You have got to be kidding, right? No, she was soooooo pissed that I had a beer in front of you guys. She had pumped you guys for information then set you up to feel bad because I had a beer. OMG. This kind of thing happened more often than not when I took you home. Shortly after you would get home I would ge a phone call demanding to know why I did this or why I said that. I am sure you can recall being questioned if you think back and I'm sure she called me with you in earshot as well so as to maximize the impact. I'm not perfect and I know I make mistakes but I never did anything to hurt you guys and I loved you with all my heart. Still do. But that's how parental alienation works, you get the kids on your side by making the other parent out to be bad. You find little things, blow them out of proportion and play the victim. It works great for the custodial parent since the other parent isn't there to defend themselves. And it worked on you guys becuse over the course of a few years you grew further and further away from me. It got to the point where you didn't even want to come over any more. I became more the unwanted uncle you had to visit rather than a parent trying to help raise three kids.
This went on for a few more years where I would try to get in contact with you but every move was blocked. One weekend I took you guys fishing with me on the Ottawa river. During the day, and unsolicited, Adam, you said to me "Dad, I want to come live with you". I was surprised but pleased so I asked you, Jami, what you wanted to do. You said you wanted to live with both of us. Ok, great. Things are getting better, right? Not quite, I underestimated the tencity of the gatekeeper. I told you, Adam, that I wanted you to live with me too but not in the apartment that I was living in so I asked you to wait a little while so I could buy a house for us to live in. You were ok with that. I talked to Cindy about buying the Acorn house and we settled on a price and time. After I had moved out of my apartment and into the house on Acorn (which I really didn't want to do but would do it for you guys since it had been your home) I told your mom what your wishes were. She talked to you guys and came back and said that you never said you wanted to live with me, that I must have dreamed it. Again, I was devastated. Broken to the core...for no reason. At least I wasn't aware of one.
There was no point in keeping the Acorn house since I only bought it for you so my insane wife at the time, Gladys (OMG she was so nuts) and I moved to Nepean. By this time I could barely get you guys to come over and Adam, you kept running away, back to your mother's house. One day I called to talk to you guys and your mother said you had all moved out. This was shortly after she married Pete. Nikki and Jami were supposedly living at your aunt's place and Adam was living at a friend's place. I couldn't get a phone number and you never called, ever. You never responded to my letters or my calls through your mother and she even sent back letters I sent to you, unopened. Once I managed to convince your mom to give me Jami's cell number. I called you one time, Jami, and you hung up on me. I was devastated. Hurt beyond belief at what was happening.
Slowly, the hurt got so bad and the resistance to see me and the interference by others got so bad that I just gave up. I was fighting a losing battle and nobody wanted me around. I had been voted off the island unanimously. This went on for 2-3 more years and I finally decided to move away after Gladys and I broke up. Living in Ottawa was a constant reminder of the pain of losing you guys.
That's why I left Ottawa, not becuase I abandoned you guys, not because I didn't want you in my life, but because you turned away and I had to try to rebuild my life somewhere else that didn't hurt so much. During the last few years in Ottawa the pain got so great that I attempted suicide on more than one occassion. I just wanted the pain to go away and for the nightmare to be over. Instead I got labeled as being "in a dark place" and being "unstable". Unstable is right. I hope you never have to go through what I went through or you just might find yourself "unstable" too.
So, that' why I left the area. It's probably not what you were told but I'm not surprised. Everything I did was magically spun against me. I have to admit that your mom is great at control. I'll give her that.
I swear on oath that I am not making any of this up. The timing of events might be a bit off since it was a long time ago but everything I said happened, happened.
PS: There's a simple test regarding parental alienation that kids can do in their heads. Think back to things that you were told by others and ask yourself if that was something that a child needed to know. Not you specifically but any child. Really, why does a child need to hear their other parent being balled out? Why would they need to be told that the other parent did this or that or whatever? Children are supposed to be insulated from this kind of thing so that they DON'T feel they have to choose a parent. Unfortunately this is often not the case. My sister is going through it and my wife is going through it now. It's so sad and the children always suffer the most because of it.
I love you. Please call.
Love, Dad
Monday, May 9, 2016
Chapter 1: About your dad
Dear Adam, Jami and Nikki
I hope you are all well. I love you and miss all of you, my one and only son and my two beautiful daughters.
I'm writing this because I have no idea how else to talk to you. This is a public blog but I'm hoping it will reach all of you and that you will read what I have to say. I'm sorry if you would rather not have this in the public space but you have never given me the opportunity to have a say on anything I've been accused of so I am going to write this blog of where I am, what I'm doing, how I got here and how much I miss you all. I'm also going to cover a lot of what happened from my side of the divorce and exile from your lives. Read it or not. It's your choice of course but I hope you will read it. I miss you all so much that my heart aches everyday and my life has had a huge hole in it since you left. To this day, as proof, I am writing this blog. I think about you every day and long to be part of your lives.
For those in the public reading this, I appreciate that some of you might find yourself in a similar position where a divorce has left you as a parent without children. Please feel free to leave your comments, however, I would ask that we not judge one another for the mistakes we've made. Encouragement is, of course, welcome and perhaps some might find strength from others. Personally this has been the single most devastating thing I have had to live with and could use the encouragement and advice.
About dad,
I am 57 years old now and living in a little town on the east coast of North Carolina. My hair is mostly grey now, thinning on top and I didn't get any taller since I last saw you, unfortunately. LOL. But I'm OK with that. I moved here from southern, Ohio last October. Before that I was in upstate NY (not NY city). Before that I was in Toronto area and prior to that I was in Ottawa. A couple of years ago I was fortunate enough to find a lakeside property here with a run-down house on a lake so I bought it and have been fixing it up ever since. It's been a lot of work and a lot of money but it's in pretty good shape now and I just love the property. We get to watch a beautiful sunset on the water every night so I feel blessed in that regard. I built a dock and we bought my wife a small (used) sailboat. We're still getting the hang of it since neither of us sail but it's fun and it looks nice tied up to the dock. My physical health is good. It would probably be better if I exercised more but I hate exercise. I would rather go for a 3 mile walk/hike or a 50 mile bike ride than run on a treadmill.
My job is in the high-tech industry, same as I have been for the past 25+ years I guess. I work at home currently. My office is a converted dining room that I walled up and put a door on. It's a bit small but it's OK. The space problem is compounded because I also do my hobby, which is IoT electronics stuff. You know, Internet of Things kind of stuff. I love to tinker with micro-controllers and make them do cool things like send me a text message when the mail arrives or if there's a water leak under the sink. It's a fun hobby and not too expensive. Anyway, I work for a company out of Cincinnati and have clients across the US. None in Canada at the moment but I did have one in Calgary for about 14 months a few years back.
My wife's name is Melissa. She is the mother of two boys and one girl. Megan is 22, Ryan, in the middle, is 19 and Max takes up the rear at 14. Ryan is visiting us for a couple of weeks then he has to go back to OH. Ryan is 2nd year university in Ohio and Max lives with his dad. Megan is in her 4th year at a university in Indiana. We normally live alone but the kids, my dad, M's sisters, brothers and so on often visit so we're only alone about 1/2 the time anyway. Melissa has a Masters degree in accounting and is the CFO of a local company that does lighting, generators and stages for big events like the Superbowl. She likes being a big fish in a little pond and I'm proud of her for that. :-)
We met in Cincinnati, OH a couple years ago, fell in love and decided to get married last August so we're newly-weds. Just a couple of crazy kids. LOL. We like a lot of the same things like camping, hiking, cycling and riding my Harley. Last year we took Ryan on a 10 day adventure for his graduation gift. We flew to Phoenix, Arizona then drove to Sequoia National Park then to Yosemite Park then we drove to San Francisco for the last couple of days of our journey. It was a great trip. Probably the best vacation of my life and I hope to do it again someday. We'll see. :-)
I have one dog at the moment, her name is Daisy. I've had her for 11 years and she's the laziest Shi Tzu you'll ever meet. Sleeps all day...literally. We're thinking about getting another dog as a playmate so maybe she'll move once in a while but we're still looking. It's got to be the right dog. I had her staying at a dog-sitter while I traveled once in a while and one of the dogs there attacked her. Popped her eyeball right out of the socket. She needed surgery to put it back in and since then she has been slowly going blind. I think completely in one eye and about 20% left in the other eye. Good thing she sleeps a lot. :-( She's a good dog though, very obedient and never messes in the house. She only barks when the doorbell rings so she's pretty quiet most of the time, which is good since I don't like yappy dogs.
That's my life in a nutshell. This blog isn't going to be just about me but I wanted to let you know where I am currently and what I'm doing. In Chapter 2 I will be talking to Adam in general but also to the girs as well. Later chapters I'll address you both in more detail and go tell you about what happened from my perspective.
Thanks for reading this. I know you are mad at me so I just ask you to keep the flames to a minimum until I have had a chance to explain myself. You just might see things a little differently if you get both sides of the story instead of just what you hear from others.
I love you. Please call.
Love, Dad
I hope you are all well. I love you and miss all of you, my one and only son and my two beautiful daughters.
I'm writing this because I have no idea how else to talk to you. This is a public blog but I'm hoping it will reach all of you and that you will read what I have to say. I'm sorry if you would rather not have this in the public space but you have never given me the opportunity to have a say on anything I've been accused of so I am going to write this blog of where I am, what I'm doing, how I got here and how much I miss you all. I'm also going to cover a lot of what happened from my side of the divorce and exile from your lives. Read it or not. It's your choice of course but I hope you will read it. I miss you all so much that my heart aches everyday and my life has had a huge hole in it since you left. To this day, as proof, I am writing this blog. I think about you every day and long to be part of your lives.
For those in the public reading this, I appreciate that some of you might find yourself in a similar position where a divorce has left you as a parent without children. Please feel free to leave your comments, however, I would ask that we not judge one another for the mistakes we've made. Encouragement is, of course, welcome and perhaps some might find strength from others. Personally this has been the single most devastating thing I have had to live with and could use the encouragement and advice.
About dad,
I am 57 years old now and living in a little town on the east coast of North Carolina. My hair is mostly grey now, thinning on top and I didn't get any taller since I last saw you, unfortunately. LOL. But I'm OK with that. I moved here from southern, Ohio last October. Before that I was in upstate NY (not NY city). Before that I was in Toronto area and prior to that I was in Ottawa. A couple of years ago I was fortunate enough to find a lakeside property here with a run-down house on a lake so I bought it and have been fixing it up ever since. It's been a lot of work and a lot of money but it's in pretty good shape now and I just love the property. We get to watch a beautiful sunset on the water every night so I feel blessed in that regard. I built a dock and we bought my wife a small (used) sailboat. We're still getting the hang of it since neither of us sail but it's fun and it looks nice tied up to the dock. My physical health is good. It would probably be better if I exercised more but I hate exercise. I would rather go for a 3 mile walk/hike or a 50 mile bike ride than run on a treadmill.
My job is in the high-tech industry, same as I have been for the past 25+ years I guess. I work at home currently. My office is a converted dining room that I walled up and put a door on. It's a bit small but it's OK. The space problem is compounded because I also do my hobby, which is IoT electronics stuff. You know, Internet of Things kind of stuff. I love to tinker with micro-controllers and make them do cool things like send me a text message when the mail arrives or if there's a water leak under the sink. It's a fun hobby and not too expensive. Anyway, I work for a company out of Cincinnati and have clients across the US. None in Canada at the moment but I did have one in Calgary for about 14 months a few years back.
My wife's name is Melissa. She is the mother of two boys and one girl. Megan is 22, Ryan, in the middle, is 19 and Max takes up the rear at 14. Ryan is visiting us for a couple of weeks then he has to go back to OH. Ryan is 2nd year university in Ohio and Max lives with his dad. Megan is in her 4th year at a university in Indiana. We normally live alone but the kids, my dad, M's sisters, brothers and so on often visit so we're only alone about 1/2 the time anyway. Melissa has a Masters degree in accounting and is the CFO of a local company that does lighting, generators and stages for big events like the Superbowl. She likes being a big fish in a little pond and I'm proud of her for that. :-)
We met in Cincinnati, OH a couple years ago, fell in love and decided to get married last August so we're newly-weds. Just a couple of crazy kids. LOL. We like a lot of the same things like camping, hiking, cycling and riding my Harley. Last year we took Ryan on a 10 day adventure for his graduation gift. We flew to Phoenix, Arizona then drove to Sequoia National Park then to Yosemite Park then we drove to San Francisco for the last couple of days of our journey. It was a great trip. Probably the best vacation of my life and I hope to do it again someday. We'll see. :-)
I have one dog at the moment, her name is Daisy. I've had her for 11 years and she's the laziest Shi Tzu you'll ever meet. Sleeps all day...literally. We're thinking about getting another dog as a playmate so maybe she'll move once in a while but we're still looking. It's got to be the right dog. I had her staying at a dog-sitter while I traveled once in a while and one of the dogs there attacked her. Popped her eyeball right out of the socket. She needed surgery to put it back in and since then she has been slowly going blind. I think completely in one eye and about 20% left in the other eye. Good thing she sleeps a lot. :-( She's a good dog though, very obedient and never messes in the house. She only barks when the doorbell rings so she's pretty quiet most of the time, which is good since I don't like yappy dogs.
That's my life in a nutshell. This blog isn't going to be just about me but I wanted to let you know where I am currently and what I'm doing. In Chapter 2 I will be talking to Adam in general but also to the girs as well. Later chapters I'll address you both in more detail and go tell you about what happened from my perspective.
Thanks for reading this. I know you are mad at me so I just ask you to keep the flames to a minimum until I have had a chance to explain myself. You just might see things a little differently if you get both sides of the story instead of just what you hear from others.
I love you. Please call.
Love, Dad
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